Atticus once told me BigFoot was his neighbor.

Atticus once told me his favorite dessert is a used a tampon.

Atticus once told me the best high he ever got was when he deep-throated a Hummer’s exhaust pipe.

Atticus once told me he’s the reason his Parents divorced. His Mom found the secret admirer letters he kept writin’ to his Dad.

Atticus once told me he thought phrases like “sleepin’ with the fishes” and “there’s a million fish in the sea” was proof that mermaids exist.

Atticus once told me public defecation is a sport.

Atticus once told me diapers were cheaper than his water bill.

Atticus once told me if you don’t masturbate until you’re raw, you’re doin’ it wrong.

Atticus once told me every time he has his ‘partners’ get together for an orgy his landlord has to fumigate the apartment complex.

Atticus once told me he replaced all the door knobs in his apartment with butt plugs. Edit: Atticus updated me that door knobs are already butt plugs. He would know.